Buy This Tree Or I Will Kill It

25 03 2007

A bizarre Ebay auction threatens herbicide:

This is simple, show your concern for global warming and your love of nature by paying to keep a tree alive. If a tree does not sell it dies, I will cut it down and burn it releasing all the carbon it has stored. So save a tree or help heat the world, your choice.
This auction is for healthy happy tree number 2. You ransom the tree and it gets to stay right where it is in its natural home. Otherwise it dies. Nothing to ship so no shipping charges.
Or, if you hate the world and hate trees, if you win you can ask me to cut and burn it so you don’t have to be a tree hugger to enjoy this auction.

Trees number 1 and 3 are dead. The Auctions ended and nobody cared enough to save a tree so now they are dead. When they dry out and their poor little leaves turn brown and start to fall off I will burn them adding all the carbon they had locked up in their brief lives to the atmosphere. I hope you are happy.
Also, as it costs money to list these trees if nobody bids on this tree I will kill it and trees 4 and 5. 5 is just a baby but I will kill it anyway, I will rip it up by the roots and let it die slowly in the sun. If somebody bids to save tree number 2 then I will list 4 and 5 so they will have a chance. It is up to you now.

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This mean-spirited farce of an auction is actually a model of how some carbon offsets “work.”

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